Saint Pillows

'Ferguson always was an overachiever.'

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

Tiny Visions

"It's true: no more burpees."

'Yeah, I know your idea of heaven is to play golf all day, but all we have is shuffleboard!'

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

You Will Have a Merry Christmas. . . Resistance is Futile.

Child writes letter to Santa reading 'Sorry Santa, I DO want to go to school'.

'I've prepared a self-evaluation which you can refer to when you do my annual review.'

Gracie sees a plane on Christmas Eve and tells her dad Santa is flying it.

"I didn't get anything I asked for last year so I want your acceptance of this year's list to be notarized."

'Just tell him you mind your teacher and do your lessons. You don't have to prove it.'

'Listen, Santa. Either you repay what you owe, or we reposses Rudolph!'

'Yes, I think you better had ask Santa for it. Because there's no way I could afford to buy it.'

'Santa, don't believe him. He's the one who ate the cookies and milk last year.'

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

Next World Tours

"Maybe this year..."

"That would've gone better if I'd gotten here with my gift list instead of my spelling list."

'Het Dad, I don't need a bike from Santa anymore. I just found one behind your wardrobe!'

"Why the hell aren't you writing all this down?"

'Be good! Santa's watching!'

"Relax, I grade on the curve."

'I'm good. How are you?'

I heard a rumor that he's going to deliver presents using drones this year! I hope not! Drone technology is far less reliable than Rudolph and the other reindeer! And besides, Christmas eve won't be the same if the sound of sleigh bells is replaced by the buzzing of a drone! My big brother said if I don't make his bed for him every day, he'll hack into Santa's database and put me on the "naughty" list. I've never trusted his computer system. And e-mail. I ask for presents with a hard-copy

"If you're not a good boy, Santa will bring you only educational toys."

"I'm a little angel when I'm asleep. Does that count?"

"He must be a South Pole elf..."

"Psychiatric emergency service? Please come fast, I have one here who believes in me!"

'Shhhhh...He's preparing for the holiday season.'

"Hmmm...says here that you were in charge of your church's Puppet Ministry."

Beato Romero

"Do you have all those things in stock?"

'You know, it's not good for kids' self-esteem to keep harping on about this 'naughty or nice' stuff.'