Sickening Storyteller Gifts

"I would have made the gore sickening in a different way."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

Woodpecker carving pumpkins

"On New Year's Eve, Clement and I stayed up all night drinking. Tea, of course."

'Hey, what am I, chopped liver?'

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"Its been on the market for over two years. The estate agent reckons it's something to do with negative edibility!"

Tim Burton

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

Kirsten Johnson

Three little pigs-mortgage.

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

"It's the great pumpkin's psychotic uncle Mitch, Charlie Brown."

Updated fairy tales - "Cinderella." Dating Service. It's not often we get a client looking for a specific shoe size.

We're looking for a quiet neighborhood where everyone feeds us because they all believe we belong to them.

"Its my letter of resignation. I also turned it into a memoir."

Frankenstein's Ancestry

Little boy reading a classic whilst his Dad reads a comic.

'I hate waking up with coffin hair.'

"I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's undead."

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

Baby Bear.

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

Reading

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

'My phone number, Social Security number and Zip Code, just to buy gum? They didn't ask me that many questions when I joined the army.'

"The Ruin is under new management. Specters will manage wraiths, shades and spirits. All others report to be spook resources. Bonuses will be based on team work and synergy."

Cheap amusement with... THE HAPPY COUPLE!

Gag - a graphic novel

Mephistopheles

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

Born of the Dead