Sickening Storyteller T-Shirts

"I would have made the gore sickening in a different way."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

Woodpecker carving pumpkins

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

"On New Year's Eve, Clement and I stayed up all night drinking. Tea, of course."

'Hey, what am I, chopped liver?'

Tim Burton

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

"Its been on the market for over two years. The estate agent reckons it's something to do with negative edibility!"

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

Kirsten Johnson

Three little pigs-mortgage.

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

"It's the great pumpkin's psychotic uncle Mitch, Charlie Brown."

Baby Bear.

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

Frankenstein's Ancestry

'I hate waking up with coffin hair.'

Reading

Little boy reading a classic whilst his Dad reads a comic.

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

"I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's undead."

"Its my letter of resignation. I also turned it into a memoir."

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

Cheap amusement with... THE HAPPY COUPLE!

"The Ruin is under new management. Specters will manage wraiths, shades and spirits. All others report to be spook resources. Bonuses will be based on team work and synergy."

'My phone number, Social Security number and Zip Code, just to buy gum? They didn't ask me that many questions when I joined the army.'

Born of the Dead

Gag - a graphic novel

Mephistopheles

Young Stephen King