Showbiz Satire Gifts

'He must be the next-of-Tin.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

Reese Witherspoon

"Everybody gets a raise."

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

Now that I finally have an expense account, there's no time to eat.

Michael Jackson - Mission fulfilled.

'We use a modified 'carrot and stick' approach here - We've done away with the carrot.'

Death Boss

How I met your mother

"Never mind devices - we need to establish a 'bring your own funding' policy."

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

"That's not a progress chart, that's the bosses salary chart!"

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

'I can live with you not wanting to push the envelope, but your refusal to think outside the box...'

'As we all know, the appearance of honesty is the best policy....'

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

Boardroom cream pies.

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

'Enjoy the rat race, dear.'

'Now that the price of gold is up, we'd like to have your retirement watch back, Boggs.'

'While I'm not looking for the typical 'Yes Man', I want a man who finds it extremely difficult to say 'No' to my suggestions.'

"I don't like these sales figures. Prepare them in another color and font and resubmit them."

'Shift our strategy? I didn't know we had any strategy.'

'Who's that pathetic little one down there?'

'And along with your promotion you get a key to the executive bedroom.'