Showbiz Satire Gifts

'He must be the next-of-Tin.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

"Everybody gets a raise."

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

Now that I finally have an expense account, there's no time to eat.

'We use a modified 'carrot and stick' approach here - We've done away with the carrot.'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

Death Boss

How I met your mother

"Never mind devices - we need to establish a 'bring your own funding' policy."

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

"That's not a progress chart, that's the bosses salary chart!"

'I can live with you not wanting to push the envelope, but your refusal to think outside the box...'

'As we all know, the appearance of honesty is the best policy....'

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

Boardroom cream pies.

'Enjoy the rat race, dear.'

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'While I'm not looking for the typical 'Yes Man', I want a man who finds it extremely difficult to say 'No' to my suggestions.'

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

'Now that the price of gold is up, we'd like to have your retirement watch back, Boggs.'

"I don't like these sales figures. Prepare them in another color and font and resubmit them."

'Shift our strategy? I didn't know we had any strategy.'

'Who's that pathetic little one down there?'

'And along with your promotion you get a key to the executive bedroom.'

'What the hell!..Let's issue a profit warning anyway.'