Show Biz Fan T-Shirts

'We've got 'Jumpin' Jake' Stevens on drums, 'Slick' Chuck on bass and 'Wasted Pete' Walthons on the trumpet.'

"Check this out! Abracadabra!"

"Sorry, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."

"Granted, there's no business like show business, but that's not the business I know."

Showbiz Awards

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

Music Hall Dancers

Hollywood producer.

Cleaner cleaning under the feet of the dancers as they perform

'I'm not a magician, but I do keep live doves in my pants.'

'I'm a star!'

"Is it 'Measure once, cut twice?' Or 'Cut once, then measure?' Or maybe it's..."

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

'No, I've never been in a TV reality show. My reality is pretty well scripted by my wife, kids and boss.'

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

Child star Fatty Deposits humiliates Zippy, The Wonderdog, on the set of their latest movie, 'Too Cute For Comfort'....

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

Animal Actors

TV stage door

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

West End Shows closing - box office piled high with boxes.

When stars marry: 'Why did you ask him first? Does he have top billing?'

"You are the weakest wink...goodbye."