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man sawing lady in half,'Actually I'm not really a magician..'

Ventriloquist's dummy reads 'Computers for dummies'.

Magician creates magic square

'Let's face it, you have more lines on your face than in the play!'

"Yes, Your Honor, I'm Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

Ron Perlman

"You're just starstruck, George."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'You're using real wine? Don't you know Jack never completes a scene in under 20 takes?'

Cilla Black

'You have the right to remain silent. . .'

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

"I'll do the talking!"

"You seemed disillusioned."

"You are the weakest wink...goodbye."

"Ok - when we get to the freeway I'll drive!"

A Trick!

'I'm a star!'

Please Help - Former Magician's Assistant

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"And on the eighth day, God lamented the Hollywood adage 'You're only as good as your last picture.'"

Trial by Media

Showbiz Awards

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

Comic,,,Drama,,,Laugh Track,

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

Music Hall Dancers