Show And Tell Gifts

Billy, can you deliver your show 'n tell this time without the fog machine?

Kid says 'My mom and I are into canning.'

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'

Cat Show

Trade Show Sherpas

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

Succession 2

'Mom says finger painting was digital art before computers.'

'I'm a star!'

Toenail clipping missile.

"Hey, Bob. Things haven't been quite the same since Richard Attenborough arrived here, have they?"

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'

Hollywood producer.

"Take my advice; speak softly but carry a big shtick."

'Yeah, my phone folds out into a TV tray.'

'Call you back - I'm with my agent.'

Bette Midler

"Er. . . anything else?"

TV stage door

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

"Fashion Week"

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

'I don't mind playing dead. But what I would really like to do is direct.'

Franz Kafka does stand-up...

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

No Talent Agency

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

Art gallery: 'I think it's lovely.'

"I've seen your latest project and I must say, it really stinks. I mean, it is utterly putrid. It totally reeks."

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

'You see son, it's jobs like these that give us a bad name...'

Stage producer.

'It's a new reality show about a reality show producer...'