Shotgun Wedding Gifts

"I knew they had shotgun weddings in the Wild West but not in Milton Keynes!"

Husband and Pregnant wife on top of wedding cake.

Lesbian civil partnership.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"You may now kiss the bride..."

I must say a winter wedding certainly saves on confetti!'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

Try Mediation

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

'He does.'

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'I always cry at weddings!'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"...until death do you a favor."

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

"Before I do this, I would ask everyone to please delete the footage in the event of this not going as planned."

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached