Short Story Enthusiast Gifts

'This history paper is about an event that happened a long time ago, but in the great scheme of things isn't all that important, making this report very short. The end.'

"Yep, that's it - seven pages, I only write what I know."

Once upon a time they lived happily ever after. It's the "Very Short Attention Span Network."

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

"I'm sorry, Dave. You lost me after the first 140 words."

I should be a writer when I grow up...

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Victor Hugo

Edgar Allen Poe

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

'Where was the TSA?'

Audio Books

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

See, Catty-O? I told you dinner was included with admission.

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

Hansel and Gretal

"This is what's known as a book."

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

Jacques et Jille

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

Alberich steals the gold

"Personally, I loved your novel. Unfortunately, our e-book editor says it just doesn't work on the little screen!"