Shell Aficionado Gifts

I can't decide if this is a self-improvement project or a home improvement project.

A turtle takes a bath.

Hey, it's true, you really can hear the sea in these shells!

"I don't do windows."

I can hear a podcast of yesterday's sea.

"The best beaches are Santa Cruz, Hossegor, Ericeira, The Gold Coast, Barbados, Sennen Cove, Oahu and Bali son: They're full of surfers..."

"Fow sounds of the Atlantic ocean press 1, for the Pacific ocean press 2..."

"Dad, Dad, cage divers! Get the hacksaw and let's scare the heck out of them!"

'You go ahead and eat. I'm on a raw food diet and surfer isn't part of it.'

"From downtown...the shark scores!"

"I'll have a man overboard!"

Tortoise polishing his shell

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

"The shell has a high SPF, but I still need sunscreen for the rest of me."

'And get this: just when I thought the worst was over, the media blasts me for 'opportunistic, predatory business tactics!' Boy, did THAT sting!'

"Little Jamie would like you both to know that he's now into sharks."

'I think he wants you to play ball!'

"That's his answer to everything!"

Sheds

1930's bather.

"Tammy's Style Shop went on a selling spree."

"So I said 'Hey, not everybody likes jokes about shark-fin soup.' And? Oh, he apologized right away. Good! That was super-insensitive. No kidding! That's exactly what I said before I ate him."

"You seem like just the kind of guy who would be right at home in one of these fjord explorers."

Divers attache BITE ME sign to companion's oxygen tanks.

"So many acquisitions lately ... should we be worried?"

'Man eater?! No way, it was just a nibble!'

"Curling up with a good book is one thing, but now you're taking a shelfie?"

"Shelling doesn't get much better than this, Helen."

"I've been evicted."

'Excuse me. Could you point me towards the books that would look impressive on my bookshelf?'

'It's always so sad when they repossess.'

Shark Surfing the Waves.

'You're taking too much of that clamshell calcium, Margaret.'

'I'll have the surfer on a board, lightly sauteed.'

"I never should have eaten that third license plate."