Shell Shine Aficionado Gifts

Tortoise polishing his shell

Hey, it's true, you really can hear the sea in these shells!

"I don't do windows."

"Fow sounds of the Atlantic ocean press 1, for the Pacific ocean press 2..."

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

"The shell has a high SPF, but I still need sunscreen for the rest of me."

"That's his answer to everything!"

Bald man polishing head

'According to the breathalyser, you're 50,000 glasses of sherry over the legal limit.'

'If you could learn to open up a little, you might make a few more sales.'

"I've been evicted."

'It's always so sad when they repossess.'

"The one's an en suite and the other's a walk-in wardrobe."

I can't decide if this is a self-improvement project or a home improvement project.

"Shelling doesn't get much better than this, Helen."

"I put in a skylight and it's made a world of difference."

'You're taking too much of that clamshell calcium, Margaret.'

'Say 'one' to hear the sound of the ocean, say 'two' to hear. . .'

Envy in the Animal Kingdom

Deli/Antiques: Got Shrimp? Got Gout?

"Come on! It's the final lap!"

'Nice penthouse.'

'Boy, you're really into yourself, aren't you?'

Wait - Is that the old shell you wore on our wedding day?

A turtle takes a bath.

'Business must be good.'

"The tide is out at the moment so here is some music while you are waiting..."

"We will return to the soothing sounds of the sea in a moment..."

'I'm on holiday'

Hmm... p'haps it wasn't such a good idea to hang those pictures up...

Middle finger from a shell.

'OK Headmaster, now polish the other shoe...'

"No seriously, I can't sleep on my back: I could die if nobody were there to turn me back upright..."

'I can't wait for the 2012 'Limpets' to begin...!'

Tortoise at mobile home sale.