Shell Enthusiast Gifts

'You're taking too much of that clamshell calcium, Margaret.'

"Shelling doesn't get much better than this, Helen."

"Of course, we just call them 'necks'"

Wait - Is that the old shell you wore on our wedding day?

'Boy, you're really into yourself, aren't you?'

'It's always so sad when they repossess.'

Tortoise at mobile home sale.

'I can't wait for the 2012 'Limpets' to begin...!'

'Business must be good.'

"No seriously, I can't sleep on my back: I could die if nobody were there to turn me back upright..."

"I've been evicted."

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

Try me/try me/try me...

On the brink.

'It must be the dead sea.'

Hey, it's true, you really can hear the sea in these shells!

'Tut! Men and their sheds, eh?'

"I don't do windows."

I can hear a podcast of yesterday's sea.

'Look Reg, a ship...we're saved!'

If you hold the conch up to your ear, you can hear the ocean swearing at you.

Titanic: How's my steering.

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

"Fow sounds of the Atlantic ocean press 1, for the Pacific ocean press 2..."

Feeling for shells

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.

"Oh that, that's my holiday home."

"How long have you felt like a three-masted schooner?"

Tortoise polishing his shell

'Of course you can hear the ocean,we're standing next to it.'

"I can hear the sea boiling."

'God knows what he gets up to in there all day.'

"That's his answer to everything!"

"The shell has a high SPF, but I still need sunscreen for the rest of me."