Sheet Connoisseur Gifts

"I saw you flirting with that egyptian queen-size, high-thread-count hussy... from now on you're invisible to me."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

"Well in our defence we did get the numbers right they were just in the wrong order!"

"I hate check writing, but, hey, it pays the bills."

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

Oblivious at 20,000 Feet

'I'm important to note we really are trying hard.'

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'

"Hi, I'm Bob Darrel. I'm here to perform the audit of your books. Don't mind the vultures. They follow me everywhere."

J W D Butterworth chief accountant - Pin-stripes made of numbers

"Hmm.... now I hadn't noticed THAT before..."

"You can go home now, Barmpot - we've balanced."

'I'm here about the tax credits for business equipment which you listed in your return as 'Betty', 'Mabel', 'Liz'...'

'Hang on a minute! We forgot to write down that check number in the giant register...'

'A free plastic toy, cornflakes scattered around the victim... Yep, it looks like our cereal killer alright!'

Profits - "It's worse than you think it goes down to the third floor."

'This year we're in really great shape. Nobody understands our financial statement!'

'Don't worry,, I checked the figures with wikopedia.'

"Well there it is in black and white gentlemen, we're in the red."

'...and if you want to see this month's figures, you'll have to go down to the basement!'

"Decide who you are, Wanona, before you buy sheets."