Sheep Whisperers Gifts

"I told you not to shear your wool today: It gets cold in the desert at night..."

'I can't wait to be shorn of all this wooly symbolism.'

'I can't be sure, but. . . I think the sheep maybe interbreeding!'

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Bitchbark Canoe

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

Children's Parties

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

Licensed Therapist

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Foster failure"

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

"Quick, start the car!"

Braiding a Horse's Tail

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

Barks in code.

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."