Sheep Whisperers Pillows

"I told you not to shear your wool today: It gets cold in the desert at night..."

'I can't wait to be shorn of all this wooly symbolism.'

'I can't be sure, but. . . I think the sheep maybe interbreeding!'

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Bitchbark Canoe

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

Licensed Therapist

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"No no, I said sit!!"

"Foster failure"

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

"Quick, start the car!"

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

Barks in code.

Braiding a Horse's Tail

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

Dog Dreams

Raw food, after you leave for work.