Horse Whisperers Gifts

'Holmes, I keep telling you ... you've got to be more assertive with that horse.'

'I'm going to take a wild guess and say 'dressage'.'

'So....how many hours were you practising half pass this morning?'

'Gather round everyone! Bob has a new rug and we're going to see how long it takes him to get out of it!'

Talk about lack of trust! My trainer didn't even bet on me, but I showed him: I won the race!

"Isn't it ironic that as show jumpers, we're trained to jump barriers taller than the ones we're penned inside?"

"It's all in the report: your biological father is a former racing champion now living in a stud farm in New Mexico. . ."

"Me, I've quit racing. I was very good at it, but I just couldn't hack the early training sessions..."

"I had just managed to train my old mare to go without food when she died."

'Do you think your owner will get that you're not in the mood to leave the field today?'

'This goes way beyond just keeping the flies off me...I'm fighting crime now too!'

"We don't say 'giddyup' anymore."

'Well, Mrs. Gilner, comparing the numbers, everything looks great. Your cholesterol is right in line, blood pressure good... you're definitely as healthy as a horse.'

-I once dreamed about carrots and peas,and then bet on two horses the next day called carrots and peas. Guess who won? -Who? -An outsider called mixed vegetables.

'Well there hasn't been a ring yet! But he did say that we were going to look at bridle wear - so, I know what that means. . . he loves me, Joanne.'

'I forgot to tell you Neddy's not 'broken-in' yet...!'

"The fly count is high today so we need to pair up, and lets not have any fighting again over who pairs up with Marcus..."

Lady asking man to jump first and break the top rail, so she can jump

The Epsom Derby - Ladies Observe from the Balcony

Bitchbark Canoe

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

Children's Parties

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'