Shareholder Sage Gifts

"This is part of the privatisation I don't like."

'Today the Dow finally outpaced the Jones.'

The day the stock market went UP.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

Corporate Team Building. Team. Hey, everybody, I've just been told our CEO fled the country while we've been doing our truth exercises.

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"The only good news this year, gentlemen, is our massive bonuses."

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

"...That's agreed then, we raise our salaries by 40%..."

'That concludes the annual report, I will now fend off questions from the stockholders.'

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

Would anybody else like to ask a question before the stewards get to them?

"Remember, when they go low... we observe shareholder value and act accordingly."

"Intrapreneuring chief- how about a glass on the house?"

'You realize, of course, that that's the fifth 25 stake we've now sold in our entertainment division.'

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."