Shampoo Skeptic Gifts

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

"To be honest, it's the same stuff just in different bottles!"

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

'I'm going to have to cut it - Daddy is complaining about the shampoo bill again.'

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

'Have you tried out new Labrador Retriever Butt Scent?'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

'I assure you madam, that the uglification factor of this mirror is no greater than the nationally accepted one-to-one standard.'

"Do you have anything on the menu without maple syrup on it?"

Dog fetching slippers with a peg on his nose.

'No, it's not a special on the Grand Canyon. It's an actor's face in high definition.'

'At least we don't have to worry about getting those as gifts.'

"I tried that new detangling shampoo."

"It's supposed to be some kind of aphrodisiac, but it hasn't done jack for me."

'Honey, these split ends look terrible! What kind of shampoo have you been using?'

'My doctor told me these new Botox injections could be harmful.'

"Yes, healthcare costs too much in the U.S., but overmedicating patients is expensive."

"Try to find something that works like aspirin but costs much more."

"Publicly, we're still saying there are no side effects."

'Look! The first active ingredient is marketing spin.'

'I think I'm starting to develop crow's feet, Lance. What should I do?'

Unnecessary Surgery

'I'm prescribing anti-greed pills.'

'I'm not happy with my 'honey and lilac' shampoo.'

"Wow! I can feel it tingle so it must be getting rid of my dandruff!"

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

'When we said 'One size fits all' we didn't mean all at the same time.'

"I think they call it a miracle drug because it'll be a miracle if I can get the cap off."

"Wash and Quo"

Shampoo 'Slaphead and Shoulders'

How to dress for forty below...if you're over forty, or under twenty.

"Wise up. You and me do not make a ferret craze."

Dr. Pavlov's Conditioning Shampoo