Beauty Industry Skeptic Gifts

'Plastic surgeons? Don't talk to me about Plastic Surgeons!'

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

"I feel bad for the companies that make lipstick."

'I assure you madam, that the uglification factor of this mirror is no greater than the nationally accepted one-to-one standard.'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

Pets: This animal has not been tested on products.

"To be honest, it's the same stuff just in different bottles!"

It finally happened, models so thin they only consist of few molecules.

'I like this shampoo. It says here: 'Not tested on animals'!'

'No, it's not a special on the Grand Canyon. It's an actor's face in high definition.'

Animal cosmetic testing

"You should find your eyesight improving once you remove the false eyelashes."

'My doctor told me these new Botox injections could be harmful.'

"The cost of a haircut? It depends on what's in your underpants."

Anita Roddick

Magazines.

'Look! The first active ingredient is marketing spin.'

Unnecessary Surgery

"...and the women who used the placebo makeup turned out to be just as attractive."

'I think I'm starting to develop crow's feet, Lance. What should I do?'

'The truth is there is no 'Youth Formula' worth millions. This is Mountain Dew.'

'Mom, when did your beauty start to slip?'

Gentlemen, don't think of this as a corporate takeover, it's a corporate makeover.

'No, we don't do any animal testing, but don't rule out a pop quiz once in a while.'

Ack! 2010!! We're a whole tenth of the way through the "new" century! Hey! January. We've got a whole nine-tenths left to go. Easy for you to say! You aren't one-tenth of the way through the wrinkle cream Santa brought you.

"People here seem to appreciate the before and after photos much more than my previous job."

Hair stylist images his work as butterfly, customer sees caterpillar.

When prunes lose the plot: they advertise anti wrinkle cream.

"I allege that the defendant is not a 2-in-1 shampoo conditioner, but, in fact, a 3-in-1 shampoo conditioner murderer."

'Why do you think they call it 'Active Wear' not 'Sitting Wear'?'

Sneer-leading

"Done." "But you only cut one hair!" "Well, if you wanted more done you should've gone across the street to Hairs-R-Us."