Shakespearean Humorist Gifts

Juliet Capulet - "You can send in Romeo now Janice."

'And there he was shouting: 'A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!'... I thought to myself: Why not...'

"So that's a one-eyed newt a toe-less frog a bald bat and a no tongued dog!" (Macbeth witch at the vets).

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

Modern Major General

"The Englishman goes to the beach once a year to shed his skin."

Schrodinger's Black Box

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

Drummer

F&E Stables. Horses Boarded. The owner of this horse is a huge fan of the late musician, "Prince." That explains the purple reins.

'Hard to follow...'

Before putting on your armor...always check for mice!

'Oh dear, what a shame - It's raining again, Pam!'

'I'm not a magician, but I do keep live doves in my pants.'

Berta screams out!

Nanki Poo

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

Magic Act

The sword in the all-natural impossible-to-stir peanut butter.

Sir John Gielgud.

Ham-Dram

Awaiting the sensation of a short sharp shock

'...I thought maybe your brain had developed the ability to reason before mine.'

"Are you aware that in your submission you misspelled 'deer editer'?"

"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him-yet somehow I did not realize that he was a cow."

Barber of Seville

Angry Doctor Bartolo

I say when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade

'Have you got to have a Gimmick.'

Peter

"It's alright for you - I'm a fictional character."

"Back from hunting with nothing again?"

"Somebody tell me...what's my motivation?"

"So our ant-cestors come from Ant-artica?"