Sex-positivity Advocate Gifts

'Mam, tell me one of your old sex stories?'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

Critisize your weight.

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."

"I don't think anyone will notice your ninty seven pound lime green lycra swimming trunks Terry."

Aging Problems

Hips may appear larger than they actually are.

'I'm feeling so good, I'm worried I may catch some uplift anxiety.'

"When you're healed, I'm going to wear it so I can't see what I weigh."

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

Scales

Girl's weight issues.

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

Fat fairy

'Good grief! Who CARES where our tails begin?'

Victoria's secret lovers: Barry, Al, Percy.

"That was some climax, Hon."

In the not too distant future... "It's a tribal butterfly tramp stamp, honey. Same as yours."

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.

'Oh no! You're obviously smaller than me, Joy!' 'You're not fat, 'cause those pants were tight on me too Verl.'

Irregulars

"You call that complementary!?!"

Mankini - One size fits all.

Woman's T-Shirt says 'Baby', Man's says '35 Lbs. Ugly Fat'.

"It's not my fault - how was I to know you'd look scary with your clothes off?"