Service Star Gifts

'What do you recommend?.' 'A big tip.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

The Waiter

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

"Waiter - there's a fly in my soup."

"We emphasize personal service. Our broker-client ratio is three to one."

'No Mam. The service charge does not include a change of oil.'

'Coming to you direct from table nine; 'the polenta is cold'.'

"Thanks for waiting."

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

"How is it you can commit to world class service but not to me?"

'You've got to give it to Jim, there's nothing he won't do for his customers.'

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

"I want three of you serving customers all day - two if we get busy."

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

Working hard to maintain customer relations

"I can't take the job in customer relations. I hate the customers. How can I possibly deal with their relatives?"

"Sorry, it’s my first day."

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

'You mean you want good communication and competent service?'

"I had to bite him once, but now I always get a great table."

Coffee shop request for tea in china cup.

Poor Customer Service

"Typical. They're happy to benefit from our service but just try and come in as a customer."

'My escargot has escargone.'

Great customer care is not optional.

"Wait a minute - these are just the Ten Commandments of great customer service."

Complaint Department worker. 'Gosh, I'm good at this job!'