Social Service Star Gifts

"I'm afraid this is my last visit, Mrs. Segarra. There's no money in social work."

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'What do you recommend?.' 'A big tip.'

"We're striking for minimum levels of service."

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

The Waiter

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

Health care success #4

"If you're going to write I think you have to draw upon your own experience."

Budget Cuts Guillotine: Next!

"So many FANTASTIC applicants, where do we start!"

'75% of our resources are spent dealing with the elderly and infirm...and that's just the STAFF!'

London underground talks continued

"This is Jim the Jolly council manager and LOOk it's Caring Clara who likes to work for minimum wage..."

"Wait a minute - these are just the Ten Commandments of great customer service."

'Remember me, Mr. Sanders? I was a student in your social studies class. You told me I was destined to serve the public.'

Child Protection Team: 'Someone applied for the job...'

'Once you introduce profit into the NHS what will you end up with?'

'I'm sorry, ma'am. My computer says our fire station has been closed down by Boris Johnson.'

"So, how was clean-up day?"

"The only calls not dropped are to your tech support."

'I begged, I pleased with him. I told him he'd be wasting his life. Why would he want to open himself up to public vilification? A life of virtual poverty, of shattered dreams!'

'What's that noise?'

'What do you think about forgetting the whole thing and just going back to trying to help people a bit.'

"I can assure you that all talk of a funding crisis in social services is greatly exaggerted."

William Booth

Maid

"I say, why don't we tear up all these targets and just let social workers get on with their jobs!"

'It's all part of that 'Devolving Power'...'Big Society' thing...I got the nuclear attack codes and Bill down at the Rotary got Civil Defence.'

"I just can't hide my feelings any more...for years I've buried them, been too scared of peoples reactions. I can't lie any more, people have to know the real me."

'You got yourself a job? -- Don't you care what happens to me?'

"The customers are always right because class action suits are very expensive."

"Undervalued, your livelihood and sense of self worth threatened...constantly told you're a burden on the taxpayer....It would make anyone depressed!"

"It's clear that if we want staff to cope we have to give them appropriate training."