Social Service Satirist Gifts

"I just can't hide my feelings any more...for years I've buried them, been too scared of peoples reactions. I can't lie any more, people have to know the real me."

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"Yes, one is a dog."

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

The prying mantis,

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Horse statue throws off rider.

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"I'm after the history section."

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

"It's my helper trout!"

Inhospitality tent.

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

"God help us, it's that guy."

"These 'ordinary working class' types, I think my scout at Oxford must have been one."

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

Illustration on the problem of money that is given to charities ending up in the hands of governments.

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

"Sometimes I have this awful feeling I'm really a West Side Person."

"All the better to ignore you with."

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

Wine tasters...

Latest science behind social distancing advice

'Excuse me, would you mind...?'

Pizzas

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."