Social Security Satirist Gifts

"My social security number is one."

Runaway Bride.

Social Security, The Movie!

The prying mantis,

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"Yes, one is a dog."

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"Well there's no way I'm going to say 'whom'!"

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Horse statue throws off rider.

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"I'm after the history section."

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

Inhospitality tent.

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

My, grandma, what a big premium you have for a plan that doesn't cover getting eaten by a wolf.

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

"These 'ordinary working class' types, I think my scout at Oxford must have been one."

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

"God help us, it's that guy."

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

"All the better to ignore you with."

'I'm Anna Nicole Smith. But not THE Anna Nicole Smith!'

"Sometimes I have this awful feeling I'm really a West Side Person."

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

Wine tasters...

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'