Service Star Pillows

'What do you recommend?.' 'A big tip.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

The Waiter

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

"Waiter - there's a fly in my soup."

'No Mam. The service charge does not include a change of oil.'

"We emphasize personal service. Our broker-client ratio is three to one."

'Coming to you direct from table nine; 'the polenta is cold'.'

"How is it you can commit to world class service but not to me?"

"Thanks for waiting."

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

'You've got to give it to Jim, there's nothing he won't do for his customers.'

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

"I want three of you serving customers all day - two if we get busy."

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

Working hard to maintain customer relations

"I can't take the job in customer relations. I hate the customers. How can I possibly deal with their relatives?"

"Sorry, it’s my first day."

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

'You mean you want good communication and competent service?'

"I had to bite him once, but now I always get a great table."

Coffee shop request for tea in china cup.

Complaint Department worker. 'Gosh, I'm good at this job!'

"Wait a minute - these are just the Ten Commandments of great customer service."

'My escargot has escargone.'

"Typical. They're happy to benefit from our service but just try and come in as a customer."

Poor Customer Service

Great customer care is not optional.