Service Champions Pillows

'Good evening. I'm disenfranchised, and I'll be your waiter tonight.'

'I'd like to return this, please.'

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

'What do you recommend?.' 'A big tip.'

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

The Waiter

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

"We're striking for minimum levels of service."

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

"Wake up, it's Spring and we forgot to vote!"

Friendly banks and Cold and aloof banks.

'Is that freshly brewed?'

Budget Cuts Guillotine: Next!

'Of course it's cold. We serve breakfast anytime, but we only make it in the morning.'

'Please remember how silly and humiliating grinding pepper is when you figure my tip.'

"Thanks for waiting."

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

'You've got to give it to Jim, there's nothing he won't do for his customers.'

'Hey that's our waiter on his way home!'

"How is it you can commit to world class service but not to me?"

Patience Tested While You Wait.

"I want three of you serving customers all day - two if we get busy."

Working hard to maintain customer relations

Grocery store has no data team to help with customer's shopping experience.

"I can't take the job in customer relations. I hate the customers. How can I possibly deal with their relatives?"

"Joey, Joey, Joey! It's like he's taken over this whole store! Well, I'm sick of it! This place is not about being lazy! It's about good products for good prices! It's about customer service! But does anyone car? Does anyone notice? When does hard work pa

London underground talks continued

'75% of our resources are spent dealing with the elderly and infirm...and that's just the STAFF!'

"Mustard? Ketchup? Mayo? Talk to me, old man."