Service Champ Pillows

"...Well, I don't know. The sign's obscured, so I suppose it could say anything."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

Your Guide to Winning Movember

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'What do you recommend?.' 'A big tip.'

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'Are we having fun yet?'

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

Schrodinger's kittens

"We're striking for minimum levels of service."

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

The Waiter

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

'Is that freshly brewed?'

Friendly banks and Cold and aloof banks.

'I see you've found a cure of the 'new car fever'.'

Budget Cuts Guillotine: Next!

'Of course it's cold. We serve breakfast anytime, but we only make it in the morning.'

'Coming to you direct from table nine; 'the polenta is cold'.'

"I used to wait tables but I found I was more suited to producing movies."

'Please remember how silly and humiliating grinding pepper is when you figure my tip.'

"Thanks for waiting."

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"