Service Champ Mugs

"...Well, I don't know. The sign's obscured, so I suppose it could say anything."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'I'd like to return this, please.'

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

Your Guide to Winning Movember

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'What do you recommend?.' 'A big tip.'

'Are we having fun yet?'

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

Pig and chicken asking for milk from cow, who replies: 'Sorry, I already gave at the office.'

The Waiter

Schrodinger's kittens

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

"We're striking for minimum levels of service."

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

'Is that freshly brewed?'

'I see you've found a cure of the 'new car fever'.'

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

Friendly banks and Cold and aloof banks.

Budget Cuts Guillotine: Next!

'Coming to you direct from table nine; 'the polenta is cold'.'

'Of course it's cold. We serve breakfast anytime, but we only make it in the morning.'

'Please remember how silly and humiliating grinding pepper is when you figure my tip.'

Stock Wanted

'Are you folks ready to take THIS ice bucket challenge?'