Service Sector Worker Gifts

'That's two happy meals, a shake, and four years of college down the drain.'

Quality Control

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"This is our soft opening."

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

Why Cows Leave Home

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

'Would you like a balloon with that?'

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Efficiency savings...protect front line services BLAH! BLAH! refocus on core objectives BLAH BLAH!"

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

'We can't cut entitlements for federal employees. We're federal employees.'

'Why don't you start a small business with a loan from a bank?'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"Would you like me to warm up your eggs?"

"A little lamb please."

"An actor ... huh, that’s funny, because you look just like a waiter."

"He's my cousin. It's just until he can find a new restaurant to work in."

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

'Dalrymple came to us from the public sector.'

'Not for what I'm getting paid!'

Funding Cuts for the Arts

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

'Maybe I should change this thing more often...'