Service Sector Worker T-Shirts

'That's two happy meals, a shake, and four years of college down the drain.'

Quality Control

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"This is our soft opening."

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

Why Cows Leave Home

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

'Would you like a balloon with that?'

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"Efficiency savings...protect front line services BLAH! BLAH! refocus on core objectives BLAH BLAH!"

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

'We can't cut entitlements for federal employees. We're federal employees.'

"Would you like me to warm up your eggs?"

"He's my cousin. It's just until he can find a new restaurant to work in."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"An actor ... huh, that’s funny, because you look just like a waiter."

"A little lamb please."

'Why don't you start a small business with a loan from a bank?'

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

'Not for what I'm getting paid!'

'Dalrymple came to us from the public sector.'

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

Funding Cuts for the Arts

'A tiny kitchen, one cook, and great food...I don't know how they do it.'