Server Sympathizer Pillows

"Let me take that for you."

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

'Geoffrey's Tourette's is acting up.'

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. Here, try this."

'Here's my report card and here's my personal disclaimer.'

'Do I have to enter a plea?'

'Thank you, sir. NEXT, PLEASE!'

The Downside Of Being Superman, The Man Of Steel

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

'Could you bring me the new investment regulations you downloaded yesterday?' 'It's still downloading.'

"If any of you guys out there have lost your jobs, need some help and are struggling to cope, call me. I can't do anything, but it makes me feel better about my own shitty life."

'Our server is so slow I'm going to call him 'Dial-Up'.'

"This test wasn't fair! No way it's an accurate measure of what I know!"

Snail to Slug.

Neighbourhood watch and slug watch.

Scary Slug Stories

'I never get tipped!'

Now, this is a good garden: full of weeds! The likelyhood of somebody trying to poison us here is very low...

'I'm happy to say that both parties agree on the issue. It's got bi-partisan non-support.'

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

"Brian says in 1976 we just got on with it."

You ready? You betcha. J-Lo will have a love child with Alan Greenspan, then cure male-pattern baldness. From the files of: It could happen in 2021. Technical support will answer the phone.

'Spinning the web is the fun part, after that, it's just waiting and waiting for a catch...'

'There it is again...that mysterious feeling that we're clipped from a newspaper and hung on someone's refrigerator.'

'And then the jury decided that I was ready for a long term relationship with the penal code system.'

"You rang. . . ?"

"Don't do it! You've got so much to live for!"

Bug on the windshield.

"Well, it's just the way it is: Humans don't like us, and if we wander in their vegetable gardens, they try to poison us!"

'I said, 'Take it with a grain of salt.' He took it literally.'

"Save my phone!"

A bug memorial on car grill.

"Well, they always say it's the thought that counts!"