Sermon Samurai Pillows

"It was a little preachy."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

"...and in conclusion..."

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

Honour Being Served 'Apps at Dawn'.

'Are you going to answer my text message or not?'

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

No one ever tried to rob the Samurai Bank.

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

'Oh, it wasn't glossolalia -- he just gets tongue-tied when he preaches about sex and marriage.'

"...lettuce pray."

"But if you teach him to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime."

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

Pastor of Muppets

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

Man in church sees sign: Thank you for not yawning.

Sir, we have plenty of fine herbal tea for you to sample...but you're drinking the potpourri.

'Today's Sermon: Good Cholestrol Vs. Bad Cholestrol'

"Jesus changed the water into wine and everyone drove home responsibly."

"Bretheren and Sistern out there in Congregational Land!"

How scrapbookers see progress. ('I've been scrapbooking for ten years and I've got two pages done already!' 'Wow, you're fast!')

'Pastor Bob is so dramatic.'

"Because he didn't even change your name. That's how I know he was talking about you."

'There's something different about the vicar, He seems louder,'

'Sermon - if he wanted us to eat genetically-modified food, h would have modified them himself.'

"We're always ready to travel at a moment's notice."

'Global warming is God's way of giving you sinners a preview of HELL!'

Tax and Sin...