Sermon Samurai Gifts

"It was a little preachy."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Airport. Luggage. Baggage. Traveling used to be much less complicated.

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

"...and in conclusion..."

Honour Being Served 'Apps at Dawn'.

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

'Are you going to answer my text message or not?'

No one ever tried to rob the Samurai Bank.

"A reading from the first letter of Paul to the Corinthians..."

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

'Oh, it wasn't glossolalia -- he just gets tongue-tied when he preaches about sex and marriage.'

Pastor of Muppets

"...lettuce pray."

"But if you teach him to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime."

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

Man in church sees sign: Thank you for not yawning.

Sir, we have plenty of fine herbal tea for you to sample...but you're drinking the potpourri.

"Jesus changed the water into wine and everyone drove home responsibly."

'Today's Sermon: Good Cholestrol Vs. Bad Cholestrol'

"Bretheren and Sistern out there in Congregational Land!"

How scrapbookers see progress. ('I've been scrapbooking for ten years and I've got two pages done already!' 'Wow, you're fast!')

'Pastor Bob is so dramatic.'

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

'Sermon - if he wanted us to eat genetically-modified food, h would have modified them himself.'

"Because he didn't even change your name. That's how I know he was talking about you."

"We're always ready to travel at a moment's notice."

Tax and Sin...