Serious Illness Gifts

"Will he ever be able to produce revenue again?"

'If things don't go well, tell me you'll pull the plug. I want to know you'll be provided for.'

'Of course you can have a second opinion. Let's just hope he gets here in time.'

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

"We're hoping for an uptick."

"We even tried a visit from a celebrity."

'I've done everything that medical science can do...now I suggest you sacrifice a goat to Nagoomba.'

'Well, your condition is serious but you can take comfort in the fact that nobody lives forever!'

'OK, how about something a little more upbeat?'

"Of course it's not serious, Mr. Warner, but just in case where would you like your ashes sprinkled?"

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

Theodore Dreiser.

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

"Unfortunately there's no HMO for what you have"

'I thought it might help you get your mind off things. It's a story of hope and survival. Nothing at all like your story.'

"Well, my paycheck barely pays the bills, I might need a second job, my wife is on my case, and my dad's in the hospital."

"Do I need to know this stuff to get into medical school?"

"Is it just me, or is the pollen particularly bad this year?"

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

Tom's last day.

Flo figured that since she was using medical marijuana during chemo, she might as well go hippy retro.

"What do you mean, what's my favourite hymn?"

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

'You know the rules, Mr Dotterill - you're only allowed one visitor at a time.'

'I'll let my colleague explain.'

"I'd like to make a list. What do we kick when we die?"

"The bad news is he only has two minutes to live, the good news is it's in football time.""

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

"I suggest you say your final 'I told you so'."

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

Morty likes a holistic approach... sex, cigarettes, pillow talk and then death.

"I'm not sure the extent of it really comes across in a Zoom consultation, doctor."