Critical Illness Gifts

'You know the rules, Mr Dotterill - you're only allowed one visitor at a time.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

Coronavirus Debate

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

Disorderlies

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

Tsipras and Merkel

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

Tom's last day.

The Establishment: Independent Thought

"What do you mean, what's my favourite hymn?"

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

'OK, how about something a little more upbeat?'

"I'd like to make a list. What do we kick when we die?"

"You folks in R&D really did make a miracle drug. I've never taken it, but I feel better already!"

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

Morty likes a holistic approach... sex, cigarettes, pillow talk and then death.

"I suggest you say your final 'I told you so'."

'I've done everything that medical science can do...now I suggest you sacrifice a goat to Nagoomba.'

'The survival of this patient is a true testimony to the blessing of modern science.'

"No sooner do we get over one problem, another rears its ugly head !"

'Of course you can have a second opinion. Let's just hope he gets here in time.'

"We even tried a visit from a celebrity."

"I'm the spirit of the present Christmas but don't worry... in your case the appearance of the ghost of the future Christmas is redundant."

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

'I wish I had learned more trivia.'

"So to summarise our qualitative study results... your product is like a 'rainbow of French squirrels followed by a small popping noise'."

'Death doesn't frighten me, but the night nurse does...'

"Will he ever be able to produce revenue again?"

A man with the world on his mind inspects the world