Serial Scanner Gifts

'Scanning articles without finishing them on the Internet is affecting you. You're not finishing anything.'

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

TV-Man

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'Can you loan me *** till pay day?'

'It's very fast-paced. The book was over before I could finish reading it.'

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

'Thanks to a little genetec engineering, we can merchandise these fish right on the farm.'

"I'm just sitting here collecting vast amounts of metadata. And what are you up to?...Oh, I already know."

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

Tripled his reading speed with no loss in comprehension.

'I'm sorry sir, but that slide rule exceeds the allowable length for a sharp object, unless, of course, you can manage to fold it.'

'A new study of people who watch television all the time reveals some shocking facts....'

Stress Prison - The fictional jail you imagine being sent to so you can catch up with Netflix and reading.

Bummer Time Streaming

"How cute! Our technician photo-bombed your X-ray!"

Efforts Results In Seeing Stars

Woman and sport trainer

You finished Netflix

Rapid reading center.

Attention: Due to a lack of interest we have dropped the APATHY channel - Sorry for any inconvenience.

"Just look at all these open seats! Can I sit anywhere?"

'Darn it! The bar code doesn't seem to be working. . . flip him over and let's try the other side. . .'

"I have the results of your PET scan and your CT scan. You are not claustrophobic."

"It's a baaa-code."

"Your daughter has 'I have something to share' syndrome."

"I come in peace, for more information scan me with your phone."

"They went together, doctor!"

"We've been avoiding it for way to long. We really need to have a face-to-face text."

'I watch shows I don't like because I can't find the remote.'