Serial Monogamy Fan Gifts

"She's on her fifth soul mate."

"It's wonderful to be away from the rat race. So, what happened on 'CSI: Miami' last night?"

"Two of every known creature on the planet and you forgot the pooper-scooper?"

"I met my first husband at Bloomingdale's and my second husband at Banana Republic."

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

"Yes ... no!"

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

'Speed dating really works! Our first date was Friday, we married on Saturday, and now I'm happily single again.'

'The coalition of the willing.'

"Our guest is Dr. Paul Veblin, renowned marriage counselor and resident of nearby Southport, where he lives with his 6th wife."

"You'll make a good first wife."

'Very steamy and sexy novel, Miss Pendergast, but how come that this Latino heart throb only services women over 70?'

'Will this be a never-ending romance, David?'

'I can't go on like this Wilfred - you've changed so - You're no longer the man I married.'

"Ideally, husbands should be spaced at least three years apart."

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

"Three. How many times you been married?"

'I call it, 'Albert Was Insufferable'.'

'Still adding to your collection, Sir?'

"Do you, Meredith, better known as Wife Number Three, take this man. . ."

"Janet, we have to stop meeting like this. It has become a source of increasing friction in my marriage to Elizabeth."

"I don't know how many times I've told him about leaving empty toilet rolls in the bathroom."

A woman balances two men on a tightrope.

"Years are like my previous five marriages. You welcome them with big expectations, but you end hating them."

"Stop saying my name, I'm trying to stay incognito! Too many former partners looking for alimony payments in this neighbourhood..."

'There's one thing that keeps me from a serious commitment - my wife!'

'We each agree to an eight-hour shift. He needs round-the-clock care.'

"Attic or cellar?"

'Yes, yes, we love you too!'

"Any idea why the organist is playing 'Here we are again'?"

"This dress seems a little tight. I must've gained a little weight since the last time I wore it."

"Yes, one of my husbands IS an imposter, but one can get stains out of the carpet and the other can bake, so it all works out."