Serial Monogamy Commentator Gifts

"Our guest is Dr. Paul Veblin, renowned marriage counselor and resident of nearby Southport, where he lives with his 6th wife."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"I met my first husband at Bloomingdale's and my second husband at Banana Republic."

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

"I have been happily married... three times!"

'Speed dating really works! Our first date was Friday, we married on Saturday, and now I'm happily single again.'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

"Monogamy works for me, but it doesn't work for Enid."

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

'Here's a list of women I want you to stay away from at the party tonight.'

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

"Now who's being judgy?"

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

"Yes I know...she just needs a passport!"

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

"I don't see what you see in him."

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

'I'm no good at sports, so I'll just have to settle for a trophy wife.'

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

"I liked you better as my first husband."

"Can you hold a moment? I've asked you before not to donate my organs till after I'm dead."

"It's over between us Brian. . . as soon as I've announced it on twitter."

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

'We have separate bedrooms because I snore and because I can't stand the sight of her.'

Bread Winner-Need More Dough

"I don't want to get too serious."