Senior Struggles Humorist Gifts

'He broke his wrist trying to open his medicine.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Toothless Meal

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"So you admit to flashing your new teeth at pretty ladies?"

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

James Bond: Senior Years.

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"The good new is I found your dentures. The bad news is the dog has a new chew toy."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'Did someone say something?'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

'Can you spare a cup, for the bottom of my bird cage?'

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

Old man has a walking stick case.

Life begins at 60

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."