Senior Struggles Humorist Gifts

'He broke his wrist trying to open his medicine.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Toothless Meal

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

"So you admit to flashing your new teeth at pretty ladies?"

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

"The good new is I found your dentures. The bad news is the dog has a new chew toy."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

'Did someone say something?'

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

Old man has a walking stick case.

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'Can you spare a cup, for the bottom of my bird cage?'

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

Life begins at 60

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."