Senior Staff Gifts

"We want to include you in this decision without letting you affect it."

'The action they're taking is early retirement.'

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

Multi-tasking.

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

'I give this one about three months...'

'I have been hearing some disturbing comments about you, Parker, some of your employees think you're a nice guy!'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

Busy office.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

"Did you remember my mints?"

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Brainstorm in progress.

The role of administration.

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

Senior Partner works at a desk, sign on wall behind her says 'Ms. Davis senior partner - formerly: 'Hey You'.

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

Sales.

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."