Senior Employee Gifts

"Not everyone has found it easy to adapt to the open plan office."

"Of course you're not learning anything new here at Petherington and Snoode - we're a very old company!"

'...and your office is getting another raise Thornton-from the 9th to the 14th floor.'

'You should be grateful to be working for low pay and no benefits...it's EXPERIENCE!'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'That's our mission statement.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

21st century water cooler conversations.

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

Work/Life Balance

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."