Senior Manager Gifts

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

"Not quite – one ankle on top of the other!"

"I can't help being senior management..."

'...And then senior management went on a corporate retreat and never came back.'

"Senior management is happy for us to manage the changes ourselves apart from a couple of things."

"Major shakeup of the senior staff."

"Congratulations J.L., I hear you're getting another 'really' in your title."

"Management says that we can't measure our performance by just saying that 'lots of people think we really do a good job' anymore."

"Hodgekins... you're like the annoying son I never had."

"That's the M.D. He power urinates."

The main reason I was chosen to be the senior manager is my ability to always be calm, wise and right. . .What's that in your hand?! Is that a shiny thing?!!. . ."

"It's the latest directive from senior management about how to run a 'paperless office'!"

"It screams intimidation!"

"By the time I climbed up to this job, I was too tired to do it."

stress

"We need someone to address the stockholders. Whose ego is intact enough to do that?"

"In my day, we didn't ask for a raise, we demanded one!"

"There's Reynolds and his 'view from the top.'"

"Donald, you’re in the C-suite now. No more smiley faces or exclamation points."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

"The corner ledge is reserved for senior management."

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

"Misunderstood,overworked,underpaid and stressed, it's bound to lead to depression...still enough of my problems,what can I do for you?"

"We want to include you in this decision without letting you affect it."

Food manufacturing industry in a soup.

"That's a new side effect of our mission to keep things together."

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

"As your new CEO, I hereby change 'deadline' to 'soft squiggle.'"

"Until you're top management, Warrick, I strongly suggest you stay within the lines."

Diabolical bureaucratic management

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

'The global economy supplies basic tools. A lot of us get the axe.'

"Well, our toxic wastes are ten times more harmful thinner hazardous wastes."

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'