Senior Look-ahead Gifts

Senior Moment: Feasible Reasons You May Have Had For Walking Into This Room.

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

Every so often, Madeline gets carried away.

Handle With Care

"Did you remember my mints?"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I've made a list of lists we need to make."

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"So you admit to flashing your new teeth at pretty ladies?"

James Bond: Senior Years.

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"Larry is seventy with occasional gusts to eighty-five."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

Bed Sores and Breakfast - Palliative care.

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'Did someone say something?'

'If you're coming on this road trip the sign stays'