Senior Traveler Gifts

'If you're coming on this road trip the sign stays'

The experienced backpacker.

"First class, or with children?"

'I want to visit the very EDGE of civilisation, to explore the BRUTAL shores of natures most REMOTE regions. If you could manage that with a five star hotel and first class travel it would be perfect.'

Cats on Board.

Mrs Howell packs 200 changes of clothing for a 3-hour tour.

"Convertible. Must be nice."

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

'Raping and pillaging, Seniors' Tour, 898AD.'

"You can enhance your experience in first class by signing up to get live updates of how miserable everyone in coach is."

"We're at the Grand Marina Hotel in Barcelona. Some sheepdog you turned out to be."

"I thought you'd take up something like gardening in your retirement, not parkour."

"One day he went for a swim in our infinity pool, and I haven't seen him since."

'I thought I'd never say this, but I think we might've traveled too far this time!'

'It's very exclusive - if you bump into a celebrity you get a full refund.'

"Free safety demonstration on board the flight?"

'And upon landing the pilot will give everyone in first class a hug.'

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."

Commuter on the Orient Express

"This is the life -- I'm never travelling Economy again!"

'We'd like to go to a country that doesn't have tsunamis.'

'Can't I just travel on my learjet and have fun on my yacht and quit the stupid, boring political part of my presidency?'

Bargeman on a canal boat.

"You can turn your blinker off now, Senator."

"Ma'am, do you know how well you were driving?"

"Next year, let's go someplace where the locals resent the tourists in a language we don't understand."

"I know all about the rising costs of rent, utilities and food. I was thinking about it on the company jet on the way to my holiday house on the Cote D'Azur, but I'm afraid the company is under too much financial pressure to give you a raise."

"Is it just me or are wagon wheels smaller than they used to be?"

'Tomorrow morning I would like breakfast in bed.'

Private Jet

'Honey! Hurry and help me bar the door! I saw a bunch of rowdy senior citizens in parrot masks down by the arena!'

Private Jet

"Hello, Dr. Moreno? I wanted to tell you how nice it was to visit you today, but I'm not sure I needed all the pill samples...especially since I'm not sick."

"Do you ever have days when you just don't feel like designing jewelry?"

'Then put me on the No-Fly list if you can't put me in first class!'