Retirement Travels Gifts

"You'll have to take my word for it. I'm not going up on the roof just to prove a point." (Seaview Guest House).

The experienced backpacker.

'Someplace where we could take lots of selfies with national monuments...'

Tourists

Cutaway view of Ocean liner.

World Tour.

Mrs Howell packs 200 changes of clothing for a 3-hour tour.

The Hall Of Mirrors Jeretski Palace, Plovdo

'That may be what the wine glossary says, but to me, terroir means a fantatic view.'

Statue is moved to hold up the leaning tower of Pisa.

'That strange smell, George.. is FRESH AIR!'

"Ticket and passport, please."

"I thought the travel agent said 40% off."

Excess Baggage: You never have to worry about finding your way around those humongous new cruise ships. Your stomach will lead you.

Tourist

Excess Baggage: Airline CEO's should be forced to work at the check-in counter explaining those hated add-on fees to passengers.

'We must have everything... this is all that's left!'

'The view is much better on the other side of the bus, we'll sit there on the way back.'

How Relaxing It Is To Go To The Beach. . . How Close You Live To The Beach.

"I've passed your complaints along to the captain."

All Roads Lead To Rome

'I thought I'd never say this, but I think we might've traveled too far this time!'

'Two for French Polynesia.'

"Heads-up, the tourists are coming."

"I don't know. Lately, everything looks like Jackie Kennedy to me."

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

'It's odd...when I was CEO of Phoenix Industries everybody laughed at my jokes, but since I've been retired, nobody does.'

S. S. All You Can Eat

'Looks like they were sun worshippers.'

"Next time, I'm flying business class."

'For Zeus' sake, man, get me some sunblock or a hat.'

Fake News, 50 cents.

'Next time I insist on flying first class!'

"I told you not to hand in that evaluation form until after we'd docked!"

'We'd like to go to a country that doesn't have tsunamis.'