Senior Living Fan Gifts

"My bottom went to sleep."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

They try, but those crows can't make noises they used to. The lost caws!

'Man...You age great!'

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"My novel is about a romance between an octogenarian and a septuagenarian, but I can't remember which is which."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"We settled into the one-level after our hips got bad."

"He's got a great future behind him!"

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

'Senior Cat Warranty, Low maintenance sofa accessory, Unlimited purring and cuddling, Mellow 'been there done that' attitude.'

"You want the truth? I can't remember the truth!"

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

'No Ken. Watching football and drinking beer at the same time is NOT multi-tasking!'

'Wow, NICE Flat!'

St Bernard Toilet Holder

'So June, do you think we should get a stairlift or just move to a bungalow...because, let's face it, we're getting on and here will come a point...when you won't be able to carry me up the stairs anymore.'

Well that's me detoxed!

Honey I'm Home

"The older I get, the more I change from a lounge lizard into a bathroom lizard..."

"Hmm, most common places old farts leave their glasses and car keys!!"

'Serves me right for frowning.'

Oldies.

"His hip isn't getting any better. I really should have him put to sleep."

"I found this place on Waterbnb."

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

'Rock of Ages'

"I've decided to start groaning every time I have to move my body a little bit."

Old Vampire with false teeth.