Seltzer Drinks Gifts

Public Defender / Seltzer Defender

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

Mount Olympus Brewery. Those might be dangerous to open. They're Pandora's Bocks.

Just the one...

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

1930's Lady.

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

Pretzel family.

"The big money doesn't seem to be in Pretzels anymore."

"I asked folks to bring whatever they want, so now we have ten tubs of guacamole, no chips, and eight cases of the most obnoxiously flavored hard seltzer."

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

"Glad I had a pretzel before leaving the house; I'd hate to drink all that on an empty stomach."

Join me in a cup of tea!

'Got time for a little girl stalk?'

'Is it getting hot in here or is it me!'

"What the...some jerk licked the salt off all these pretzels."

No Car Bar.

"Could I have a skinny, half fat caramel infued Americano with a double shot and froth. . . but without the coffee!"

"Yeah, I'll say that's a good head, now is there any chance you can put ome beer under it?"

"When you've seen one bottle of stout you've seen the lot."

Acme Instant Muscle Ade Machine

Clown crawling through the desert moaning, 'Seltzer... seltzer.'

Black Velvet.

"We can't be the only three."

Trendy new La Croix flavors

Pretzel Co: 'Tell me...why should we hire you?'

"Seltzer . . . seltzer!"

'Maybe you're sitting on the wrong end.'

'All I can say is, if you like trying new beers and hate having money, this is the one for you.'

'I picked up an interesting sounding wine to go with the roast. Have any of you folks ever heard of Kahlua?'

Seltzer paste.

"I'm sorry. That's just the booze singing."

Alligator drinking gator aid.