Seltzer Drinks Gifts

Public Defender / Seltzer Defender

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

Just the one...

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

1930's Lady.

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

Pretzel family.

"The big money doesn't seem to be in Pretzels anymore."

"I asked folks to bring whatever they want, so now we have ten tubs of guacamole, no chips, and eight cases of the most obnoxiously flavored hard seltzer."

'Got time for a little girl stalk?'

Join me in a cup of tea!

"Glad I had a pretzel before leaving the house; I'd hate to drink all that on an empty stomach."

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

"What the...some jerk licked the salt off all these pretzels."

'Is it getting hot in here or is it me!'

No Car Bar.

"Could I have a skinny, half fat caramel infued Americano with a double shot and froth. . . but without the coffee!"

"Yeah, I'll say that's a good head, now is there any chance you can put ome beer under it?"

Black Velvet.

"We can't be the only three."

Acme Instant Muscle Ade Machine

Clown crawling through the desert moaning, 'Seltzer... seltzer.'

"When you've seen one bottle of stout you've seen the lot."

Trendy new La Croix flavors

"Seltzer . . . seltzer!"

'Maybe you're sitting on the wrong end.'

"I'm sorry. That's just the booze singing."

'All I can say is, if you like trying new beers and hate having money, this is the one for you.'

Seltzer paste.

'I picked up an interesting sounding wine to go with the roast. Have any of you folks ever heard of Kahlua?'

Alligator drinking gator aid.

'Pretzel?'