Seltzer Squirt Enthusiast Gifts

Clowns Dueling

"Oh well, I guess I'm lucky that he's not a duck hunter."

The beer idea.

Garden sprinkler in the form of a classical statue

"I asked folks to bring whatever they want, so now we have ten tubs of guacamole, no chips, and eight cases of the most obnoxiously flavored hard seltzer."

'Not one customer all day! What's the matter with this corner?'

Patient after an appendix operation

Sewing Machines in Surgery

'Are you admiring my embroidery, dear? To fully appreciate it you need these...'

"I can destroy your bank of knowledge with one blast from my destructo-beam!"

"....And Mother Yancy will be assisting the reattachment team this morning..."

Public Defender / Seltzer Defender

"I love your novelty lawn sprinkler."

Clown crawling through the desert moaning, 'Seltzer... seltzer.'

Trendy new La Croix flavors

Two geysers-'Old Faithful' and 'Young and Unreliable'.

"Seltzer . . . seltzer!"

Seltzer paste.

We're diversifying. Behold: chicken eggnog!

A writer falls asleep over their manuscript

Stitches.

'Don't chase it - You don't know where it's been.'

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Gruber, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

"I'd ask you up, Richard, but my roommates and I have a pretty strict 'no-"Times"-twits-in-seersucker' policy."

"Welcome Gentlemen, to the screwtop focus group..."

A question of balance

'Can I interest anyone in a Chateauneuf-du-Popsicle?'

Embroidery for the under - 18s

Slush Poopy.

Frosty has Trouble Holding His Egg Nog

"I forget is it knit one, pearl one or pearl one knit one?"

'I keep getting this stitch in my side!'

Teacher sees sign on Teacher's Lounge door reading 'No Spitball Zone'.

"We don't get to decide when they throw the ball. Our job is to just stay ready to fetch it."