Self-sufficiency Fan Pillows

"An 'A' in 'Works Well Without Supervision'."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

'Where do I put the batteries?'

Fuel bill gone through the roof

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

"I can't make it out - on the packet it said radishes."

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

"Please forward all my tickets to the auto manufacturer who made this self-driving car."

"Driverless, 90 days in the police compound, for speeding."

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

"Ok, maybe this isn't happening."

"I attended a leadership seminar, they learnt a lot from me."

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

'arrrgh! home haircut disaster.'

Music to their ears.

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

'Well, that does not yet look like a wall. Try it again, Liam!'

"To heck with a husband... just help me find a dependable electrician."

'And this is the secret of how our company gets through hard times: we grow all our own food!'

"I worry that some people find me boring"

"Travel changed me."

"Living underground is not what it used to be."

Development of disgusting new flaws. Loving acceptance of your flaws.

Home Improvement Programme - "I'm afraid your teenage son will have to go."

Middle Distance Runners

"You're so vein."